So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize