How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
