And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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