.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
