I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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