I hope mine doesn't look like that
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
