ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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