if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
