your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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