she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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