I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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