guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
