Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
