some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize