If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
