he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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