and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
