Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
