I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
