I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
