Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
