Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Couch. On fire.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
