Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
