Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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