I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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