the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
