Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
