I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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