If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
