Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
