in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
