it wasn't lemon gatorade
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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