I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
