well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
