Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize