I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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