yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
