We named our party play list daddy issues
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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