I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
