3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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