Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
