Whod you bang
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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