Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
