I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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