dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
