so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
