laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We are all done wearing pants today
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
