I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We got so high we made milksteak
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
