do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
