We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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