Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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