I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
