Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
