SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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