I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
