BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
