I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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