So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
