i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
