Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
