It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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