Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
