I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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