You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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